Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
