I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
