I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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