you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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