It's like a parade of train wrecks.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
this is an emotional support booty call
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
