well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
