How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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