If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
