i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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