i permit you to call me
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
