Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
