So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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