Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I lost the right to judge tonight
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
