oh god the rape fog is back!
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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