Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
