she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
