I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
