When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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