He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
