My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
