I cannot find my penis.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
We smell like vodka and hangover
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