im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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