There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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