guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
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