I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
