I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
