Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
