I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
How's work?
Spinning.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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