I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
