if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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