Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
