we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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