youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
