I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
