the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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