i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
