Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
