I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
