I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
