Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
