stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Who died my cat blue again?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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