Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
