on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
