YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
