I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
