I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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