The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
