My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
