Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
