I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
