FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
