Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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