I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
