my mouth tastes like poor choices
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
