the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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