I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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