so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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