i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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