I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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