By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
