Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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