just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
