I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
