Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
