Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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