Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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